It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think my moral compass just broke
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