Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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