Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
