I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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