He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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