I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
