I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize