Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
