There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
