i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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