an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think I sprained my soul last night
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
