I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
