STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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