all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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