I just found a bag of teeth...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
