She's JV to your varsity
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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