so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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