right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
