I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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