Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
