i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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