Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
