needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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