I just cut my nipple shaving
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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