Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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