I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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