my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
