some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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