i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
