those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
