I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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