Someone shit on the floor
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
