we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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