i think my mom watched the whole time
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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