btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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