Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
