My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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