I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
