last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
