So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
