Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
