Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize