Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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