Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
