I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
