his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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