i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize