You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
