I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Randomize
