Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
