Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
