The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
