You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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