why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
