two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
