i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
