i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
