Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
