I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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