I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
