Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
