is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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