Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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