I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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