i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
