I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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