Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
