Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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