today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize