my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
