just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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