Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
